pUlliNg aWaY

I can't deny it any longer, Quinn is pulling away from us in small ways. It started out cute when he'd shoo my hand away when I wanted to help him on a complicated project like turning pages of a book or stacking cups with in cups. He'd slap my hand away with an "I'm a big boy now" look on his face. Then he began to get upset when he was picked up, he wants to walk now. He only needs to be picked up when he's tired or not feeling well. lately he gets mad if I hold his hand when we walk. I usually let him explore free of my mothering hand but if we're on a sidewalk or hard tile floor I hold his hand because he's still a bit unstable and trips on his feet. He'll yank his hand away and storm off.

Yesterday was the hardest, I picked him up from daycare and he was fine when I walked in but when I reached for his jacket he ran to his teacher and hid behind her. I called him over to me but he kept hugging his teacher and looking at me like I was a monster. My heart sank, he walked over to play with another child and as I approached him with his jacket he again ran to the teacher and sat on her lap. As I drove home I thought about how absolutely odd that was. He's never been unhappy to see me. He always runs to me with open arms and gives the other kids the "nana na booboo I'm going home and your not" look. Then the other kids walk up and want me to pick them up and take them too. Why was yesterday different?

Then it occurred to me.

The day before, right after I picked him up from daycare we went directly to the doctor and got a flu shot. I held him down while the nurse stabbed his leg. I didn't know babbies could give dirty looks. Quinn gave that nurse a look that would have turned her to stone had she looked over at him. But she slipped out the door so fast she didn't get a chance, maybe she's used to that look and tries to avoid it. Anyhow Quinn is at the age that he realizes mommy and daddy purposely helped that nurse to hurt him and he doesn't know why. Suddenly he's worried about trusting me to take him from daycare and from the teacher that has never purposely got him hurt by the mean nurse lady.

I took extra time for loves and hugs last night to try and regain that little bit of trust I had lost. By the end of the night with the nite light shining and his lullabies playing he fell asleep holding my hand through the slots of the crib, I think he forgave me. But none the less he is pulling away and I need to know when to let him and when to hold on tight and not to take offense.