The lone thinker

I saw a new side of Quinn today while at the park, the "only child" side. Normally he's very needy for lack of a better word. If he swings I have to swing, if he goes down the slide I have to go down the slide. Today he bypassed the entire play set and decided to just wander and ponder. He watched the way the grass bent while he walked on it. He noticed leaves blowing in the wind and watched them flutter around. He spotted a puddle and made ripples in it with his fingers. He sat in a pile of sand for about 45 minutes and let it run through his fingers and watched the wind blow it around. For long periods of time he forgot I was even there. I sat about twenty feet away realizing the importance of this small moment for him. He was just quietly pondering the world.

For the first time I thought maybe he'll be ok as an only child. I always wanted two children, it was my number and I wanted them close in age. But he's two now and I'm not ready and I'm not sure I will be anytime soon, if not ever. My sister and I were so close in age that no matter how much we fought or how different we were, I always knew she was there... she had my back and I had hers. There were no first days of school alone, no lonely days with no one around to play with. Even our fighting kept us busy. I felt so comforted by having her as my sister that I always thought I would have to do the same for my children, give them a built in friend for life.

Maybe he was just pondering life and it means nothing but I've seen the "only child" syndrome and they seem observant, reserved... the thinkers, the creaters. I wonder if there was another child there today would he have noticed the way the grass bent while he walked on it? Maybe being an only child has it's different but equally important life lessons. But somewhere inside I still feel guilty for not having another. There is a special unique bond between siblings and I feel like he's missing that.