Moving

Next week I will be moving. Tony and I have talked about this for a long time, sometimes arguing other times heart to hearts. We've known for quite a while that we would one day separate but the question has always been what is the best timing for Quinn? We've had two age groups in mind 2 and 5 years old... two because we wanted him to be young when the separation happened so that it would hopefully just be a hazy memory if even that rather then a traumatic blow when he is old enough to fully understand. And five because we wanted to wait until we stopped paying daycare costs... Which is almost 700 to 800 a month!

My move day is next Friday... I seem to be consumed right now over this... with fear, excitement, nervousness, sorrow, worry... I can't concentrate at work and I can't sit still at home. I feel it is time to go but I keep thinking what if I should have waited until Quinn was Five. I'm not good at making decisions and I second guess myself all the time so until this move happens I am a reck! I either come home giddy or crying... it's crazy! Tony on the other hand is very calm... I can't tell where he is in all this but I am pretty sure that sometimes the thought makes him giddy and sometimes he wants to cry, I suppose all break-ups go this way. The sadness of change and the excitement of change.

I had the opportunity to move within a minute from my job... and that was a HUGE calling to me since I have been driving about two hours a day for four years... but that would have meant changing Quinn's daycare. I didn't realize how much that thought was eating at me until I started looking at other daycares, it just felt wrong... He is so confident at his daycare. He walks around like he owns the place, and he has made very important little relationships with his teachers and friends, "his crew". He thinks of that place as a second home and a second family. This is going to be a big change for him and I want something to stay the same, so no matter how confused he is with the move he will still be able to go to school and feel that calmness he gets from routine and familiar faces. So I back tracked and changed my move to "his" area... now I will live within two minutes from his daycare... and this will be a big plus for Tony too... it keeps his routine some what "normal" also, and gives him a lot more flexibility with his time with Quinn and odd work schedule.

My whole goal is to make this as painless as possible and with as little change as possible... knowing that Quinn will still have his routine and still be close to his daddy and mommy is a big relief to me and has erased so many of my stresses about this move... now my only real worry is budgeting correctly... I don't have a lot of room for error. I've become accustomed to having two incomes, this will be a kick in the ass.