feeling inadequate

Last night I was feeling so inadequate as a mother, which I suppose comes with the territory. Tony and I talked about it and he said where he lacks I am strong and where I lack he is strong. He said while he is great with staying up with him and making him giggle and having lots of fun with him. I am great at teaching him and being consistent with each skill he needs to learn. I’m not good at staying up with him in the middle of the night when he just can’t sleep but Tony is. Tony is not good with making sure he gets his baths and daily tummy time but I am. I suppose it’s a balancing act. And we both have our strengths

But I still felt inadequate in some way so I got to thinking and I think I figured it out. Most mothers have war stories about how they are the main providers. How the fathers do nothing and are lazy in areas where the baby in concerned. But that is not the case with Tony he gives 200% always. So I have no war stories, but is that a reason to feel inadequate. Tony shares all the responsibilities with me he does everything that a father “should” do. When he’s tired I take over when I’m tired he takes over. The balance works so well sometimes that I feel like I should join the ranks of the “real” mothers and be doing more then him. Oh I can’t explain this properly… but I get what I’m trying to say.

Holy Crap Stop Screaming!

Well it was bound to happen at some point. I have this little angel of a child that everyone tells I do not deserve. They say he's observant, wise beyond his years, an old soul ... and so on.

Then why did the Babies-R-us lady practically trip over customers to get us out of the store?

I'm not sure why he does it, Maybe it's his new cry or maybe he's just playing with his vocals but he will just scream .... and scream .... and scream .... and scream...
I could not stop him no matter what I did. Now, I'm not talking "I'm in pain, dear lord help me" screams. They were playful and loud. You might compare it to someone trying out to be an opera singer (keyword:trying).

By the time we got to the check out line, there were beads of sweat all over my forehead and I was desperately clinging to a toddler sized 5 month old who was hanging upside down in my arms trying to view the lady behind us while screaming at her.

We had quite a few stares and a few laughs, but for the first time, I got the pity look. The look a mother gets when their child is out of control, the look that says "I understand, I've been there". I also got the "control your child look" This person I assume not to be a mother and maybe she never should be.

I was able to hold off some screams by making him laugh, but his laugh was so loud and uncontrolled that I got looks then too. But he was adorable so who cares.

All though I was kind of embarrassed. I realize he is learning, there was an article I read that said a lot of parents try to stop a baby from doing the things that help them learn. Like letting them play with their food and testing out their voice box. I have no intention of letting him form bad habits but for now he's just learning.

Little personalities

It amazes me every time I see more of his personality come shining through. He's a REAL person, He's not a DOLL to play dress up with (which I had to stop doing, HE HATES IT). He has his own little Hopes, dreams and fears... All though he hopes for Sweet potatoes, dreams of sweet potatoes and fears the world will run out of sweet potatoes. They may not be very complex hopes, and dreams like ours, but there still there.

It's hitting me now that we have to mold this little mind. Is there a manual for that? His brain is like clay, and we have to shape it and build someone strong, respectful, nice, intelligent... ahhhh NO PRESSURE!

Cheerios already?

Ok so not cheerios but this other stuff that taste like cheerios. They are shaped like stars and dissolve in your mouth.

The Day care is telling us we could start him on these as early as two weeks. hummmmm am I ready for such a grown up food! Maybe he is but it's all moving too fast for me, soon he'll be going away to collage and I'll miss him. I don't want him to move away, what if he hangs with the wrong crowd. What if he gets hurt? Will he choose a collage REALLY far away? Does he have to start eating cheerios now? Because the next logical step is College.... Cherrios then college!

That reminds me - start college fund!

Crawling 101

Baby boy is getting better.... He is very motivated by clapping. He figures out what makes me clap and he does it over and over. When he has his belly time, I clap every time he struggles to move, which makes him try even harder. Last night he began pushing up on his knees with his face buried in the ground, so his butt was up in the air. It's a start and I clap like mad when ever he does it. I must sound like an idiot but he LOVES IT.

Such a nice weekend

This weekend was really nice! It started off shaky on Friday when Tony decided to go to a party all night! But after I calmed myself down with some well needed sleep, Saturday turned out to be a nice "mommy and me" day. The whole day was filled with Naps and giggles. Sunday I got some much needed cleaning done in our Den, watched Madagascar, and had picture day in the snow. It was just one of those weekends that seems to last forever!

1st anniversary with the baby

Yesterday was our third year anniversary and our first with Quinn. Tony and I had planned to go to Philly on every February 8th to clebrate our first date. We had gone to see a band called StarGazer Lilly. Our first aniversary we made it to philly again. We got a hotel room and just checked out our favorite places... Tattoed Moms, Bob and Barbara's... on and on .... It was fun. Last year I was pregnant and I honestly don't even remember what we did, it wasn't in Philly. This year we took the baby to a restaurant (not in philly) and just sat for what seemed like hours. Quinn sat on our laps and played with a container of butter, a hard roll and his favorite, a pack of crackers. He'd swat them off the table and we'd go fetch them. It was a simple night but probably the best anniversary yet. I think our Philly nights are over.

Oh yeah and Quinn had his first crush! He could not keep his eyes of our waitress. He watched her everywhere she went. Sometimes he'd smile at her back as she was walking by and be surprised that she didn't notice. It made me wonder, does a baby think a smile makes sound? Or maybe Tony and I catch his smiles so much that he though she would too.

Ebay

So my moms putting the formula we got under prescription for Quinn on ebay. When I actually got the formula sent to me the receipt said $860.00 dollars. Unbelievable but true, it was $860.00 dollars for a two week supply of this formula. Of course we were VERY thankful that my insurance paid for it. But Quinn did not do well at all with the formula so now we are selling it on ebay. So far the bids are up to approx $200.00 and there are two days left. I'm thinking of all the other things I can sell that Quinn can't use. I could make some serious cash back! Like that damn 350.00 professional breast pump that I had to stop using so soon, I wonder if anyone would buy a used breast pump, kinda sounds gross!

Grandma to the rescue!

My mom came up Sunday and spent the afternoon with us. (I'm happy to report Quinn was not cranky and they enjoyed the day together).

So as she walks in the door I notice bags over flowing with stuff! She brought us a huge bag of dog food, a huge bag of cat food, 6 containers of Quinn's special formula, about $30.00 containers or Quinn's regular solid food, a jumbo pack of toilet paper (inside joke, mom's tired of using paper towels at our house) And a jumbo pack of 168 diapers. Did I forget anything mom? Then she proceeds to buy Chinese for as all!

I thought I was going to cry, THANKS GRANDMA!

Baby's are sooo expensive

So I'm broke, 100% broke! I started feeling bad because I could not get my finances together no matter how hard I tried. So I did the numbers... Are you ready for this? Are you sure? OK, here goes...

$40.00 dollars a DAY! Excluding toys and clothes that is what it cost for Quinn's special formula, daycare and diapers. $40.00 a day! I was shocked! No wonder I am broke. That's $280.00 a WEEK!

I'm gonna have to make up that $40.00 a day in other ways so I figure I'll get a home phone - Vontage $24.99 a month anytime any where minutes (can't beat that) and cancel my cell phone and get a prepaid emergency cell. That will save $25.00 a month. Then I'll cancel my digital service and DVR which will save $100.00 a month!

But that only gives me back $4.61 a day :( this is gonna be hard. Actually I use to spend 5.00 a day for lunch and dinner a day so I suppose I could add that and be up to $9.61 a day back.

I'm toying with the idea of trading in my truck for one of those reliable little cars. I love my truck though! We'll see about that.