The lone thinker

I saw a new side of Quinn today while at the park, the "only child" side. Normally he's very needy for lack of a better word. If he swings I have to swing, if he goes down the slide I have to go down the slide. Today he bypassed the entire play set and decided to just wander and ponder. He watched the way the grass bent while he walked on it. He noticed leaves blowing in the wind and watched them flutter around. He spotted a puddle and made ripples in it with his fingers. He sat in a pile of sand for about 45 minutes and let it run through his fingers and watched the wind blow it around. For long periods of time he forgot I was even there. I sat about twenty feet away realizing the importance of this small moment for him. He was just quietly pondering the world.

For the first time I thought maybe he'll be ok as an only child. I always wanted two children, it was my number and I wanted them close in age. But he's two now and I'm not ready and I'm not sure I will be anytime soon, if not ever. My sister and I were so close in age that no matter how much we fought or how different we were, I always knew she was there... she had my back and I had hers. There were no first days of school alone, no lonely days with no one around to play with. Even our fighting kept us busy. I felt so comforted by having her as my sister that I always thought I would have to do the same for my children, give them a built in friend for life.

Maybe he was just pondering life and it means nothing but I've seen the "only child" syndrome and they seem observant, reserved... the thinkers, the creaters. I wonder if there was another child there today would he have noticed the way the grass bent while he walked on it? Maybe being an only child has it's different but equally important life lessons. But somewhere inside I still feel guilty for not having another. There is a special unique bond between siblings and I feel like he's missing that.

Tupperware, Pirates and Guilt.

Friday night I went to my first and last pampered chef party. We ate Cheese and drank wine while watching a lady make white veggie pizza with so many different gadgets they wouldn't fit on her presentation table. After a few choice jokes about ordering Domino's we settled down and watched the "show". The gadgets were pretty cool but all I kept thinking was how on earth will I fit them all in the dishwasher? Now if they could come up with one gadget to chop, dice and slice everything, I'll buy it. I did end up placing an order for a jar opener, I have an extremely weak grip and a veggie chopper, I'm not much of a cook but I really love to make pasta sauces, dips, dressing, spreads and salsa. There is always a big bowl of homemade salsa in our frig, this chopper looked great for dicing all those veggies. Which can take most of my Sunday by hand.

Saturday night I went to my first Pirate party called the "South Jersey Ghost Research annual Buccaneers ball"... I found a really nice costume which cost so much I may need to have a Halloween party to justify the cost of it. The party was so much fun... dancing, singing, water fights, tons of food... these ghost folks sure do no how to party.

On a sad but upfront and honest note... I smoked. I know, I know this is horrible! I spent the day Sunday beating myself up and anyone who got in my way. There is nothing anyone can say that will top the guilt I feel already, so go easy on me. I left the pack at the party and resumed the effort, that's the least I can do. In the past I have been so tormented about failing that I just went back to smoking, I can't do that this time, so I won't.

Bumped and bruised.

When I came home Friday night Quinn was in bed already, Tony was up and warned me that Quinn had a pretty bad fall at daycare and his face was pretty banged up. Quinn has had a lot of falls, he is two and the most rambunctious kid I have ever met. So I didn't quite understand the full scoop until I woke up this morning and saw him. His forehead has a huge, red, raised welt on it with little red dots in it and his nose is all cut up. The daycare says he was pushing something on the concrete walkway in their play yard and fell flat on his face.

He seems fine this morning. I've been told to watch for sings of dizziness, vision issues and to check him while he sleeps, which wasn't an issue last night since he's a very active sleeper and our monitor showed his movement all night. This morning he could care less about his forehead. I've been trying to point to it and ask him if it hurts but he just tries to stick his finger up my nose and laugh hysterically. If you didn't know Quinn that might be considered a warning sign but we know that's just crazy Quinn.

I hate to see him hurt, I have a hard time dealing with things of that sort. I'm really worried how I will handle his first real big issue...

I am a non-smoker!

Today I forgot to put a Nicotine patch on, which in the past has sent me walking across the street to 711 to purchase a pack of smokes telling myself it was "just for the day". Around 10 am I could not figure out why I was having such a severe nic-fit, then I realized I forgot to put my morning patch on which was sitting in my kitchen. I'm proud to say that I went to Walmart and purchased another box of Nicotine patches at lunch and at this point I am 10 days, 19 hours, 44 minutes and 52 seconds ... a non-smoker. I can smell again ... sweet air, sweet air!

Ancora

Holy shit! Ancora is 11 minutes from my house... there's a murderer in my backyard!

Winslow area residents unnerved by escape

I never realized it was so close to me... time for all Winslow residents to open a can of whoop ass!

Today is not easy

I just want a GOD DAMN cigarette!

5 days, 10 hours, 6 minutes and 14 seconds!

The year of the monkey

We celebrated Quinn's birthday at the Cape May County Park, which seems to be a tradition now for our family affairs, that and the Olive Garden, yum! Last year was the year of the spider. Spider man was all the buzz, as much as a one year old can buzz about it, Ok maybe it was us. This year Quinn has found his new love and it's Curious George. So we got him a cute George plush doll, which he loves to love, he sleeps with it and hugs him often. Ever since watching the movie he's been enamored. I wondered if he would understand a real monkey VS the cute and cuddly animated monkey. To my surprise he got it, we saw a monkey at the park and he got excited and said oooo ooo eeee eee, (I hope my spelling translates to monkey sounds) In honor of the special day I wore my monkey shirt which seemed to make Quinn very happy and Chrissy very Jealous, which is good all around.

Chrissy baked yummy cupcakes that she put into ice cream cones... She is very inventive. I may leave all bake goods in her hands especially after the cool ass frog she made last year. I'm sure Quinn would have loved it if it didn't have eyes :)

It's hysterical to me that his birthday falls on Labor day, how ironic... I've been thinking of that day a lot this weekend and the days that followed. Things were hairy there for a while and we had some scares, but here he is, happy and healthy and it seems so far away now. Labor day will always have a double meaning for me now, but either way it still boils down to some sort of work :)

The photos are on my profile page on Myspace, until I update the photo gallery on Flickr.

PS. Click on the monkey picture to see a larger image and look at the absolute love on his face for that damn monkey! :)